Sex & Self-growth | Self-education: Why do human have sex? | S2 E16 | Love & Sex | Umy
Love. Self. Umy!Play Episode
Description
What do we think about the virginity complex? Everyone differs. When I was searching for the public's psychological definition of virginity complex, I found that we didn't seem to be talking about virginity complex, we were talking about the society's bottom line on "whether an individual can have sexual experience or not“.
However, this bottom line is not fixed. It moves between two extremes: one extreme of being normal, healthy, adorable, natural, educational, or the other extreme of becoming immature, wanton, dangerous, dirty, and secretive. These two extremes are black and white. And the cutting points are the most commonly used social standards: AGE (adult/teenage; early 20s/over 30s), RELATIONSHIP (dating/cheating; friendship/kinship; lovers/passersby; married/unmarried), OUTCOME (pregnant/not pregnant). Especially for the last threshold, people nowadays have been able to gradually transfer the concept of unmarried pregnancy, from stigmatizing wedlock birth to encouraging new life nurturing.
In the face of new life, human beings can always humbly show their blessings and gratitude. What about the existing life? I mean, us, who have lived for years. We are also worthy of acceptance and anticipation in our own life. Aren’t we?
We always place the discussion of sex on these thresholds, bottom lines, and boundaries, and then we struggle. Is human sex meant to be so extreme? I want to get out of this boundary. I have to freely discuss the limits and flexibility of sexuality. I am leaping out of this box, and I am resonating deeply in my soul.
Okay. So let's take a look at the various points of view in my mind first. There are three characters in total.
Character 1) An adult male
"You've had sex with others, so I'm not sure whether you have a sex disease."
"You're not a virgin, you've been 'opened', even if you insist on only having sex with the previous one, I still think you are lying. Because losing virginity, losing credibility.“
“[N]o language has ever had a word for a virgin man.”― Will Durant, Our Oriental Heritage
Character 2) An adult woman
„Men need sex, and they needn’t a relationship foundation, as long as the body is sexually relieved. It is normal for grown men to have sexual experiences. If women have the same sexual behavior, they will get sex diseases, be unethical and be unfaithful.”
"If I had hooked up with others, would you love me? Would you still love me if I had dated 10 more guys before? There's no difference to me in terms of sexual experience between these two questions."
“People with lost personalities will suffer a great deal more than those with lost virginities.”― Melina Marchetta, Saving Francesca
Character 3) A person with some complexes
"I just think I've been used. So don't touch me. Not even a cell. I'm super dirty."
"If I have a hymen repair surgery, would you think I am innocent? Would you love me more? But if you become a virgin man, I wouldn't think you'd be better, because I only care about sexual hygiene and sexual health. ‚Why are women different?‘“
__________________
In fact, I hide the last character, which is my transcending concept as I tried to eliminate my virginity complex.
___________________
Character 4) Beyond Sexuality
'I don't touch your body secretly, I won’t be frivolous to you, I don't just think about hugging you. I may never be with you. But now there is no way for me to fall in love with other people.
I know you have had sexual experiences. I don't think you're used nor innocent. I have no idea what a virginity complex has to do with me loving you. I can't imagine you without all your memories and past. It is all these past and present moments that make you distinctive as you show up in front of me.
You are your past, your present, and your future.’
Which character do I l prefer?
The adult man is suitable for my own entertainment, the mature woman is suitable for my scriptwriting practice, role 3 is suitable for picking out my unconscious bias, and role 4 is the most suitable character for me.
I appreciate all my characters.
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