Eroticism & Embarrassment | Self-education: Why do human have sex? | S2 E17 | Love & Sex | Umy
Love. Self. Umy!Play Episode
Description
At what age did you first watch porn? I watched it at 6 years old.
At what age can humans masturbate legally? I waited until I was 18.
What is the average age of today's children to be exposed to online porn? age 11? In high school? Possibly earlier. But don’t panic. Some parents may run into pornography at a similar age. Yes, I am talking about the adults, you. Are you becoming a sexual assault or pervert?
We all know that there are often erotic advertisements, news, and distractions on the Internet. Most of the time we just browsed them, or took a look at them „accidentally“. But frankly speaking, we may be curious about those explicit depictions. Sometimes I would click those links, and several erotic images and clips showed up. I had a physical reaction! I lay powerless on the bed.
Soon after then, I felt so embarrassed. I was so afraid of being discovered, especially by my mom. My dad and my brother once noticed it from online search history, they covered me. They pretended that nothing was wrong. That is our unsaid consent.
How old can humans see erotic plots? We always define age, as an acceptable range for sex education although we know that the answer is unpredictable. As children mistakenly click it, as the computer is hacked, as you switch the channel unintentionally, or even during the family movie time when sex scenes come, children’s sexual cognitions started.
What can we do?
1)Talk about it. Talk about the artistic elements within sex scenes, you may do comparisons between the sex scenes of „James Bond“ and „Spiderman“.
2)Make debates. Debate the origin of sexual behaviors: is sex for "baby", for "happy", or for other things? You are training their minds for metacognition, not simply plain reactions.
3)Discuss explicit reactions. Discuss the differences in the movements, the postures, the sounds, and the dramatic effects between actual sex and movie sex. How? Go search for animal intercourses. We don’t need to describe our own experiences but make their imaginations broaden from animals to humans.
4)Q&A. What if my children ask about my experiences? I treat sexual behavior comfortably as if doing sensual massage, as if sunbath at the beach, as if caressing a soft pillow, as if…This is the most suitable moment for you to introduce metaphorical languages to children. Ask them, in which poem or novel can you find the implications for sexual behaviors? Read literature.
These are my rules for children's sex exposure.
But in fact, when I was 10 years old, I set a reversely uncomfortable sex rule: "No masturbation and sexual fantasies.“ I thought that they were terrible.
"No! It is healthy, natural, normal." Wrong! Let’s listen to what people around me had to gossip about:
„My son did handjobs on the bed, I tell you, boys like this are like sperm nourishing the male brains“ A lady expressed this as if she saw a pervert...
"Young boys are like this, it's their rebellious period!" A mom complained during a video chat while washing her sons’ panties and sheets.
I listened to the gossip and thought, "I don't want to be treated like an animal, like those childish boys in my class, so I absolutely can't masturbate or fantasize.“ At that time I was about in my teenage hood.
Now I realize that, during my teenagehood, I have had the utmost disdain for male masturbation. Because I envied them: they are not afraid of being discovered or talking about it as a joke. But for me, I had to pretend to be deaf or ignore their jokes, and mentally “justify“ male’s all attitudes toward masturbation.
Later on, as a female, I became afraid of being caught masturbating and never consulted on sexual topics, I detain those discussions. „No self sexual exploration, no harm.“ This was the sexual rule I set.
In the name of Gender, I rationalized my "sexual bias".
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