I care for humans | Sexual Tendency: I walked into the closet | S2 E03 | Love & Sex | Umy
Love. Self. Umy!Play Episode
Description
Who determines my sexuality? My gender? My self-identity? I do it all on my own.
How do I recognize myself? I obtain personality from the person I care about, and I become like him. When I meet the next person, I admire her tempers and attitudes towards life, and I learn from her. I've developed what traits I like in different people. It's an unstoppable journey of growth. Aside from the maturity of my body, knowledge, and emotional intelligence, my mind is growing to keep a balance between sanity and sensibility.
In the past, I thought self-growth is about my wordings, my accents, and the theories I quoted, so I became obsessed with puzzling in the wood, and bumping into trunks without noticing any tree. My thinking is unstable. During those unstable periods, when I met charming humans, I couldn't focus on appreciating them. I would think a lot and be very nervous: "I like the way he looks! Am I sexually fantasizing about him? I’m terrible.“ As I turned 18, I would even look at passers-by's bodies and pay attention to sexy people: „OMG! I'm horny!"
Now, I still pay attention to attractive people, beautiful faces, nice bodies, and warm voices, I like these human traits even more! I will be healed, comforted, and happy. I'm not just admiring beautiful beings, I really like them. And I'm not nervous or scared anymore.
Am I recognizing „who do I like" or „who am I"?
Both. Because sexual orientation, or sexual tendency, is part of self-identity. Before I realize myself, I must first find out „what kind of humans will I tend to like". No matter how many romantic relationships I have been through or not, I am always training my views on „sexual orientation“.
The people I like are my mirrors. When I am thinking about them, I am actually looking at myself. From the person I like, I recognize my favorite traits and come back to show them as my own identity.
If I can put aside the past thinking of „who I should be“ at will, then I will be able to recreate the more suitable „me“ from among the "people“. At last, I realize that there is no need to keep a balance between sanity and sensibility, it is my innate capacity.
I care for humans, regardless of gender.
I look into the mirror, I like the human.
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